The Irishman as depicted in the Super Eamon Main Hall
|Affiliation||Guild of Free Adventurers|
The Lair of Mr. Ed
Stronghold of Kahr-Dur
Role in the guild
Players encounter the burly Irishman in the Eamon master when creating a new character or returning with an existing one. The Irishman, who sits at a desk in a cubbyhole in the hall's outer chamber, solicits the adventurer's name; if he finds it in his book, he grants him access to the hall; if not, he treats him as a new recruit, providing the adventurer's basic attributes and some further instructions before granting him entrance to the members' area of the hall.
In Eamon Deluxe, the Irishman can return characters to the hall who are out on adventures through the use of a little magic, a lot of smoke, and a good few wallops to the side of the head to focus the disorientated adventurer back on where he or she is. Unlike the Irishman's other function, such a return costs money, though he waves the fee for destitute adventurers.
The Irishman isn't known to go on adventures, but the introductions of a couple of adventures do suggest that he is fairly active around the hall and is the go-to man for adventurers wanting information. In Camp Eamon, when an evil (and rather confused) group of Nazis attacks the guild and steals the floor plans to the hall, they also capture various important Eamon personalities including the "burly Irishman". He is also mentioned in the introduction to The Lair of Mr. Ed as someone the adventurer asks when a close friend is kidnapped by the villainous talking horse. Lotto's Masterpiece, however does suggest that The Irishman has some interests outside his guild work. He commissions Sam Slicker to obtain an ancient golden statue for him from a lost civilization, and Slicker in turns commissions the adventurer to retrieve it, though why the Irishman wants the statue is not clear. It is also uncertain why the Irishman doesn't commission an adventurer in person, though if indeed his various grumbles about adventurers are true it's possible he feels none of the Main Hall regulars are up to the task.
He provides information during the Eamon Deluxe adventure Stronghold of Kahr-Dur by Derek Jeter, where he receives a grim message by raven from the distant town of Fahrnor, giving details of the activities of an evil necromancer. This also suggests that in addition to his other duties the Irishman handles the guild's correspondence.
The Irishman also shows up in reviews, tutorials, and other Eamon-related material to provide some in-character (if rather fourth-wall-breaking) tips. In Nathan Segerlind's review of the new Eamon 7.0 designer, for instance, the Irishman appears with his pal the Moleman from John Nelson's adventures to discuss the program. He can also be found on this wiki dispensing tips to first-time editors.
Characteristics and depictions
The "burly Irishman" is the archetype of the put-upon bureaucrat, often muttering imprecations or complaints about his career, and is frequently gruff with new recruits. Though ostensibly Irish, the character's accent sometimes wanders: wishing goodbye to adventurers, he says, "y'all come back real soon, ya heah?"
In Lotto's Masterpiece, Sam Slicker reveals that the Irishman is an art enthusiast whose research led to the rediscovery of the ancient art treasury of Ervuol. In A Runcible Cargo, the Irishman's overturned desk can be looted, revealing correspondence between him and "Eowyn Fleiss," identifying the Irishman as a "valued client" of the the House of Ill Repute.
Super Eamon depicts the Irishman with orange hair and an orange beard, dressed in a blue shirt. Eamon Deluxe adds green sleeves and pants, but omits the ginger hair.
Eamon Master 1.1 added an entire new routine and an associated text file called "SNAPPY" to allow the Irishman to serve up more varied insults and complaints to new adventurers. Responding to the Irishman's request for a name prompts one of the following replies:
- "...having better things to do than wiping the noses of greenhorns."
- "...young greenhorns always needing someone to lead them by the hand."
- "...the things he has to go through for some stupid upstarts."
- "...he should have listened to his mother and been a brain surgeon."
- "...good fer nothin' young adventurers should be taken out an hung."
- "...strange Saxon names ye can never pronounce let alone spell."
- "...he should have listened to his mother and gone into taxidermy."
- "...having to computerize this damn book business sometime."
- "...having seen ugly faces before but never anything like this."
- "...know-if-all attitudes of the new adventurers will do them in."
- "...if he gets the chance he's going to get outta this rat race."
- "...someday leaving this place an' running off with the bar wench."
- "...everybody always bein' in a hurry and never have anythin to do."
- "...young adventurers never usin' their rightful name anyway."
Eamon Master 2 adds a few additional quips:
- "...lookin' up stupid names all day and all night is fer lesser men."
- "...he should have listened to his mother and gone into optometry."
- "...he should have listened to his mother and shot himself."
- "...wishing a dragon would fly over and burn this joint."
- "...those damn flair pens."
The Atari ST port of Eamon includes the additional lines:
- "...bad light and bad beer and no football on tv."
- "...people comin' in when he just got to the red level in Shamus."
- "...people who don't use caps lock."
- "...not knowin' this job meant wipin' the noses of greenhorns."
- "...spending his life leading greenhorns by the hand."
- "...the names some parents can think up."
- "...he should have listened to his teacher and gone on welfare."
- "...young adventurers are only in it for the gold."
- "...names wi' more adjectives than nouns."
- "...he shoulda listened to his sister and gone to an early grave."
- "...getting the robot to handle the dumb-looking ones."
- "...having seen ugly faces before but some thing're inhuman."
- "...setting an example by wiping out one snotty kid."
- "...learning programmin' and gettin' outta this dragon race."
- "...burnin' the place down an' collectin' the insurance."
- "...snotty kids rushin' around with no place to go."
- "...seeing more dangerous types in a kindergarten."
- "...telling the guards to keep an eye on this one."
- "...the good old days when a body knew who everybody was."
- "...if he'd bought Apple at 25 he'd be free by now."
- "...wishing his parents had been smart like him and had no kids."
- "...the junk Marcos calls a weapon and sells to these fools."
- "...losing a week's pay to that sharpie Shellie."