Eamon Functions

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This is a Class A (gold star) article.
Introduction and catalog shown on boot.

Eamon Functions, sometimes referred to as Arms School or as Eamon Utilities VI, is a set of Eamon programs created by Bruce Miller around 1984 designed as an enhancement for the standard Main Hall program. It add several new features including a school where the adventurer may attempt improvements to their attributes of hardiness, agility, charisma, and weapon abilities.

Miller's programs are designed to be merged into the Main Hall and include instructions for doing so. It was originally made available as Eamon Utilities VI (EU6), a disk distributed by providers such as Aspen Software and the Big Red Apple Club.

New features

Arms School

Miller incorporates a new means of improving one's attributes and weapons abilities under the "buy spells" option in the Main Hall menu. Its introduction begins with the adventurer being magically transported by Hokas Tokas to an overgrown university campus several days' travel from Evenhold for the purposes of "self-improvement". Following a path to one of the buildings, the adventurer meets Petra Magi, the dean of the school, and his gorilla-like assistant Peruclas. Magi takes the adventurer to a central foyer to sign in, then provides a booklet that lists the courses available at the University of Durability and Charm.

Full introduction

Hokas Tokas says something you didn't quite catch, and points two fingers at your armored chest. A green bolt of power jolts you into unconsciousness. You are barely aware of passage of time and space as you are teleported to your destination.

Slowly you return to consciousness. The first thing you notice is the quietness after the bustling boisterousness of the Main Hall. Soon you notice distant singing... no, it is more of a chanting. Directly in front of you, as you stand up, you can barely notice the shape of large buildings, completely overgrown by creeping vines and massive mango trees. A worn path, partially overgrown by shrubs and vines leads toward one of the buildings.

As you near the building, you note that this must have been a university at one time. For centuries, however, disuse has allowed nature to overtake mankind, and attempted to return everything to its own use.

With nothing better to do, you walk up to the nearest building and, drawing your best weapon, you bang with it on the huge, oak door. A small "thieves door" opens at eye level and you see bushy eyebrows and dark, almost black, eyes frowning out at you.

"Wha wan," he barks. You say that Hokas sent you (quite literally!) for self-improvement.

"Wha ow waaw?" After asking a few times, you see he wants your name, so you give it.

The small door slams shut and after the sound of rattling chains and grating metal, the door is forced outward on rusted hinges to reveal a hirsute man of the size of the gorilla you remember in your first adventure. "Um im." he says. Entering the front hall, you are seized by tree-trunk sized arms, and forced to cede your weapons. After a token attempt to struggle against that titan you see the futility of it all and just relax.

"Put him down, Peruclas," you hear. Over to your right, coming out of a side room, a scholarly-appearing gentleman walks into the hallway.

"He is ordinarily a gentle soul," he says, "but since he lost his tongue, he is a bit suspicious of strangers. I am Petra Magi, the dean of this school."

Mr. Magi invites you to follow him down the hall to a central foyer. He however doesn't allow you to carry your own weapons. "You wont need these here, at least for a while."

You sign in, and are given a booklet. You open the book to the first page:

The booklet has five pages for the adventurer to study:

  1. Physical Training and Durability
  2. Master at Arms School
  3. Charm and Dance Studio
  4. An explanation of our policies
  5. Instructions for returning to the Main Hall

In each area, results are explicitly not guaranteed.

Physical Training and Durability

This is a three-month course designed to increase one's hardiness and resistance to injury. The associated costs are as follows:

Tuition 8,500
Room and board 5,500
Medical insurance 1,000
Physical examination 200

If you opt to take the course, you sign up at window #1 and then spend the next three months working with an instructor named Francisco de Sade to improve your musculature and toughen your hide "to the point that a bed of nails actually feels almost comfortable."

Master at Arms School

This is a six-month intensive training course that can improve one's ability in all the major weapon classes: axe, bow, mace, spear, and sword. Shorter-term training on just an individual weapon class is also available. The course is taught at the university's Sparticus Arena and the prices are as follows:

Tuition 10,500
Room and board 9,500
Medical insurance 2,500
Physical examination 200
Breakage fee 750

The comprehensive course covering all weapon types costs 23,450 gold; classes on individual weapon types (Axe Hewing, Archery, Mace Bashing, Spear Jabbing, and Swordsmanship) each cost 5,850. If you choose the Master at Arms School, you sign up at window #2 and then spent the following months diligently practicing with weapons in the arena. (There is a small chance that a fellow trainee with a grudge against you will "accidentally" fatally run you through with a spear.)

Charm and Dance School

This six-week course will "augment your social graces, personal habits, and physical balance", in practice raising your charisma and agility. The prices are as follows:

Tuition 5,100
Room and board 3,200
Tutu and toe shoes 150
Soap and water 275

Signup for this course is at window #3 and consists of lectures, dance sessions, "psychology adaption training", and talks with the instructor Dr. Strangelove.

Explanation of policies

This school was designed and created by Sir Derek in close cooperation with Miss Angstrom to augment your abilities through specialized programs of physical training and boring lectures.

Our monetary policies are cash only, although we will collect from your bank for a 10% surcharge.

Results are not guaranteed in any way. The possibility of personal injury or even death exists. We have only about a 5% mortality record in our Master of Arms School.

There is to be no spitting allowed on the grounds. Weapons are allowed only in the armory or on the playing field. Strong drinks on alternate Tuesdays only.

After successful completion of a course you can collect your diploma, your weapons, and your armor, get directions to the Main Hall the receptionist at window #4, and then set out for home happy with the benefits of your efforts. "You roll up your diploma and bid goodbye to ol' 'Hard Nox U'."

Buy Arms

This feature adds the ability to buy special weapons of higher quality and effectiveness than the standard ones sold by Marcos Cavielli:

As you leave the Main Hall, you turn left and advance three doors down, where you are met by a guard carrying an unusually shaped sword.

"I am Angelo," he says. You give him your name.

Angelo says, "Ah, good. Julio has been waiting for you." He unhooks an iron key from his belt and unlocks the gate, letting you in. Across the courtyard you stride to a plain wooden door and open it. Racks of weapons and armor are lining the walls of a large room, dimly lit by a central ceiling candle fixture. Behind a counter is a rather fat but youthful man dressed in a fine doublet and hose. "I am Julio," he states.

Julio asks, "Are you interested in buying a weapon, or selling one of those excellent ones you are carrying? As you can see, we have many types of weapons and armor here. Our prices are not inexpensive, but our products are well worth it." Julio adds, "We work on a cash basis, but are willing to our good customers to take a credit voucher if you have gold in the bank with Shylock."

Julio sells weapons of all five standard types, and purchase weapons that he deems sufficiently powerful. His comment that he deducts a "ten percent commission for Marcos" from his offers suggests that he is a partner of Cavielli's rather than a competitor.

Store Weapons

Miller adds the ability to store additional weapons beyond the normal limit of four as a new feature accessible through banker Shylock McFenney. The adventurer enters Shylock's back room where there are large safety deposit boxes (also called "lockers") suitable for holding additional weapons. Shylock charges a fee for renting a locker, but you can check your stored weapons anytime and can retrieve weapons or add weapons up to five. The fee randomly varies from 250 to 400 gold coins.


Miller includes an EXPLANATION file that lists the various constituent programs within Arms School and the purpose of each one.


Tom Zuchowski reviewed the program in the December 1989 issue of the Eamon Adventurer's Guild Newsletter and wrote that the functionality added by Miller's Arms School was "a one-time wonder: interesting to do for 15 minutes just to see what comes up, but not worth going back to."